Glowing House Descriptions

What sort of creative writing courses do these realtors take?
They’re all a real steal, a great home, ready to move in, great landscaping. I’m starting to get a handle on the coded verbage. When you read the description and then see the house, makes you wonder if Helen Keller is the agent. Too glowing of a description and the warning flags go up.
I’m bummed after viewing 3 hopefuls. And I just don’t rush out and view every listing my agent sends me. But this were very disappointing.
The brick bungalow was the typical 3 bedroom home common to that area of Redford. Has a good layout, very interesting retro metal kitchen cabinets (in good shape), good fenced yard, part finished basement (had tiles on the floor) with a fireplace right next to the furnace. But it just wasn’t what I envisioned for my life. On top of it it’s a short sale; listed at $89,900, but they owe $160,000.
Behind door number 2 was a bungalow with one of those remodeling jobs that fucked up the house. You had to entry the master bedroom through an afterthought door in the dining room. Kitchen very small, desperately in need of a remodel. Basement small, finished, but well laid out; easy to update the tired paneling and faux stucco walls. But that snack bar to the ‘family room’ was a big square hole in the kitchen wall that was really unnecessary. Big yard, needs fence. Overpriced.
House number 3 was the foreclosure I checked out yesterday. Inside was worse. Once again, what were they thinking when they put on the family room? Bedrooms very small for a 2,400 sq ft house. Kitchen small. Where was all this footage? As a result of the remodeling, they didn’t bother to seal off a bedroom window that looked into the family room. And there is the dangerous staircase leading from the living room into the basement; only a flimsy unsecured metal railing keeps you from stepping into the dark void below. And then there is a slider on the wall on the other side of the stair; you step over the open stairway to get out. Best feature was the first floor laundry room. Basement recently waterproofed – a little wetness, eh? And a myriad of water stains on the basement ceiling tiles. Still overpriced as a foreclosure.
Seen several homes where the remodeling job left the house with awkward traffic patterns, walls in front of windows. You skim on spending that extra $3k and end up with the house fucked up.

The Housing Tour

Viewing three houses this afternoon! One is a new listing short sale, the second had an offer so I didn’t view it on a contingent basis and now that offer fell through, and the third is a foreclosure house.
Two are in a neighbor I much want to live in – big, old trees, sidewalks, upscale old ranch homes, within walking distance of the recreation center and a food store. It offers all I want. Except prices tend higher than what I want to pay.
Yesterday I drove over to the foreclosure house. Wanted to check condition. Clearly needs works on the outside. I peered in the windows and saw typical foreclosure house disrepair – light fixtures missing and appliances gone. The yard is landscaped but hasn’t been tended in over a year.
Two elderly woman, in their 80’s, sat on lawn chairs in front of the garage across the street. Odd considering these homes all have patios, florida rooms, etc, and here they sat in front of the garage. They didn’t place themselves there to watch me as they had already been putting their folding chairs out as I drove closer to the house.
I went over to make inquiries and collect whatever gossip I could glean from these dowagers. And I’m so used to approaching strangers with two weeks of census work behind me.
I found out the house has been empty since last November. The woman living there was an excellent housing and the gardens are really great, they did so much added bushes and flowers. The tulip bed warrants special mention. And I am curious why the electric meter was spinning fast for an empty house.
Well as far as being a great housekeeper, the carpets in the house are horribly stained. And those gardens are full of grass with dead bushes.
Makes me wonder how much reality differs from what we think we know.
This house is also 2,400 sq ft, much more than I need, just about as large as my last house.
I need to study up on foreclosures. It is always a matter of price – low enough it is worth putting in the money. Is it really, because if I then sell, anything I buy will be worth more, too. However in 5 to ten years I might really want a condo.

The New Buyers Visit

Did a tour with the new buyers and their Czech friends from Chicago. Lots of woods to check out, and of course did a detailed house tour. They did their homework, no fools, called the people who did the septic/well inspection. They didn’t get the house cheap, and I didn’t make money on it. It is a reasonable sale price considering this totally fouled up economy.
I do personalize the house and setting. Especially this one, with the great setting – pond, streams, woods, adjacent nature preserve. They have four kids who enjoy the outdoors in a gentle peaceful way. They are unlikely to be hell-bent on churning the landscape with dirt bikes. Nor are they afraid of animals. One big problem on the offer last spring is I hated the buyer – he was sexist, arrogant, and I didn’t feel he would take care of the house.
Yes these people seem are those well-educated liberals who are environmentally conscious. I’m pleased they will be taking over the house. They will even take my 11 year old chickens. Just have to get them to pay something for the coop.

I Hate Realtors

We are in the final negotiation stages for the sale of my house. The buyer is dragging on getting all the inspections that his realtor recommends. They don’t want anyone suing them so are having the buyer get numerous inspections like an appraisal on a cash sale in this market. I’m having sleepless nights worrying about finding some place to live, trying to move at month end when rental trucks are scarce and wondering what the appraisal value will be.
What if it appraises low? Am I stuck here to waste away my early retirement?
And because the house is 20 years old, which the buyer knows, and it doesn’t have a new roof, which the buyer knows, they got a roof inspection and one bid for a new roof with tear down. And it’s super HIGH! And they want me to pay half, deducted from the price of the house, of course. You knew it needed a new roof when you bid on it! What assholes.
I can put on a new roof for a hell of a lot less – it will just be a shingle over. And maybe I’ll just do that and they can move in mid-April to the house with the new roof.
My fear is that I’ll just get so ticked off I’ll say forget this crap. And put on a new roof using 20 year shingles hammered on by some guys I know. I already told my realtor to ask this other realtor if she wants this deal or maybe she has enough sales already. She’s a loopy part-time realtor and suburban housewife. What a mingebox.
It is a tactic that will ultimately cost me. I know a lower offer will get the house and I have to pay the other costs associated with owing the house. There will be lost opportunity costs by not being able to get out of this town.
Where is my pop up camper. Fannie, my little dog, let’s go escape somewhere and leave this behind.