Empty Residence

The apartment is stripped of its live blood. The menthol smell that gave me pause every time I opened the door has long faded. Her presence is gone. Not even memories linger.

The couch sits empty of the big pillow that cushioned her aching back.  Fox no longer blares on the television. The dining room table has assorted papers, receipts, documents full of details no one is interested in. There won’t be any Sunday coffee and cake at the table again. Family pictures that lined the hallway are gone, mostly. Isn’t anyone going to claim that faded wedding photo with bridesmaids dressed in mint green?

Now that the Persian rug is gone I see yellow stains on the carpet. Can’t remember if that was the reason she purchased it, to cover the stains. I know she always wanted a Persian rug, but no one else does now.

People come to buy the dining room table. Special occasions were celebrated here with food she made, for over 50 years. Now the buyer comes and the room is dark.  I forgot that the lamps are gone. But we manage and now the walnut table will be used for small boys and their Play-Doh.

It’s not her apartment. It is devoid of her. We are our stuff. It defines us. The smells, the objects we’re used to seeing, the sounds, the pattern of the couch.

I liked sitting here Christmas Eve. I don’t like sitting in this soulless apartment. It’s hollow.

Funeral Director’s Open Ended Question

I don’t think the young woman who handled the funeral planning is actually a funeral director. I know for sure she is not cut of the same cloth as Thomas Lynch.

In this world of big corporations funeral homes are increasingly part of a big network, such as Dignity Memorial. You know what happens when the big guys come in – hire younger, lower paid staff, focus on sales, cut costs.

So there we are at the funeral planning session. The funeral planner starts with an opening question about the recently deceased who brings us all here: “And how was she doing? Was she okay the past year?”

WTF! No! We are at a funeral home because she died! She wasn’t doing well. She was 92! I sort of lost it with the inanity of this question. If she was doing well she wouldn’t be dead, right? Well I guess you could be healthy as a horse and be hit by the proverbial bus. Would that be easier to say in response to her opening line?

I don’t have any experience arranging funerals. But I know in my former corporate world we received lots of training in handling meetings, asking open ended questions to uncover needs, etc. Does Dignity train these people at all? Do you just need to be slightly warmer than the stiff nearby to get the job? And they all seem to wear black; how solemn of you. Is there a casting call for the Addams family? If you want to be cheery and upbeat to match your opening line perhaps add a splash of color.

The meeting went downhill from there, not due to funeral staff. No, it was family members needed to exert power and vent old animosities. The most Christian of them are the least charitable and mean.

Oh yeah, they didn’t do a good job on the body. Folks, seriously reconsider the viewing option. Anything to escape the horrors of embalming. Mother didn’t seem to have an arm in her sleeve just something hard, and it just plain didn’t look like her. I tried not to focus on that body but tried to remember her as I last saw her or even better as her photo of when she was 18 and had the excitement that comes with a young life.

Christmas Eve – Remembrance and Discovery

I spent the Eve as I normally did, at my mother’s. But she wasn’t there. This was always the night of celebration in our German family even though my sister has gone American with Christmas Day now the celebratory day. And I left the big holiday for my mother to enjoy with grandchildren and great grand children, from which they excluded me. Which was fine as I never enjoyed the over the top gift giving, the football on TV and over sweet American deserts.
I wanted to be in her home. It no longer has the pervasive method smell of her last years. And it was quiet. The bottle of wine for on the table cleared to start going through the paper ephemera of her life.
My entire life was in her sphere of influence. I thought I knew her well. But there were little surprises. Lots of handwritten notes in her old- fashioned European script. There are two paper presentation folders (reused, of course) full of jokes. Tucked in the pocket are small notepads with handwritten jokes in them. The folders contain photocopies of joke poems, a cartoon or two, lots of funny stories. I had no idea she collected jokes. The funny thing is she was horrible at telling jokes. Her timing was off, she missed the punch line, stories told out-of-order, but she didn’t care. Funniest was at the end as she laughed at her own jokes!
Some jokes were really funny and I needed that last night.
I found her collection of articles and awards relating to her hospice work. She helped found the group after the death of my father, a group that she would have liked available with his terminal illness. In this collection I found her handwritten speech that she gave a hospice group on her own immigrant experience. I enjoyed reading her misspelled English, which makes the words sound exactly as she spoke them. Most startlingly was how dedicated an American she was. I tried to find the date of the speech to uncover the motivation for her strongly worded pride in America.
Lots of recipes! Dishes she never made, which is how it goes with most of us. She also wrote down some of her German recipes. And the old German cookbooks she used as a reference source; covers hanging, pages torn. There are several newer cookbooks on German cooking that people would find in book sales and give to her. Note this – older people have been cooking their specialty dishes and cultural cuisines for years, so why are you giving them these books.
There was the box with the Memory Book from the funeral home for my father’s death. I read the extra copies of his death certificate and obituaries in several papers, including a German language paper. 80 people attended his funeral and 35 cars in the drive to the cemetery. Hers was a much simpler funeral with cremation to follow and no drive to the gravesite.
She saved all the greeting cards sent her over the years. Had I know that? She placed them in photo albums, two thick ones. I know she picked cards with great card looking for sentimental greetings that expressed the saccharine sentiments of Hallmark. I couldn’t send those; they rang so artificial and false. That was a big difference between my sister and myself. She was big a greeting card tailored for every shit holiday on the calendar; I was big on personal visits. Would I have sent more had I know she was keeping a record.
Going through photo albums that I thought I knew my heart I still found little surprises. There were a couple of ancestor photos I didn’t know she had. Did I ever see her picture as a German Red Cross worker in 1942? There is a lot I’ve forgotten. Then I found an album I had never seen, pictures from her 80th birthday given by my sister which I attended. My mother never showed me this album. Probably because I am not in a single photo. That caught me cold. My sister already harbored such animosity back then? My mother was aware of this yet still pushed me these last years to include my sister, to call my sister, which resulted in disaster.
I spend 6 hours sorting, remembering, discovering, crying, drinking. I thought back to what might I have done differently. Would it have changed the outcome. I considered our sibling relationship over the years, I younger by 6 years, from my earliest memory and it never was close, more like simply sharing the same living quarters.
Her cell phone was on the table, smeared with face cream. I checked her the voice mail and scrolled through recent calls. Her last conversation was with a granddaughter at 8:54 pm. The next morning calls go unanswered.
I reflected on what I should or could have done differently in my mother’s last year. Her personality got her through war, turmoil, being driven from her homeland, refugee camps and immigration. She fought getting old, hated giving in or slowing down. It was easiest to give in and not fight about matters be they finances, medical care, or getting proper resources for hearing problems. Yes, I should have visited more. Funny, I resented more that she so rarely received visits from grandchildren who lived one half mile away and so felt the burden should again fall just on me. But it pains me to think of how much time she was alone in her apartment – she read, cooked her soups, got her recipes ready for a Christmas party for her card group, she watched some TV, she played scrabble, but was largely alone. Especially at her death.

On Death and Old Age

A 95 year old family acquaintance just died. 95 years, just shy of 100 years on earth. Everyone knew the end was near; she was now hallucinating and in a nursing home moving to a care facility. Had an episode where she demanded the staff and family get those darn cats from under her bed. Then she talked of seeing her long dead husband, next day her brothers, also long dead, stopped in. That must be sort of nice, to see old familiar faces. Don’t really know if they were people she missed or loved. Take it Dorothy was happy to see them. Didn’t seem to care for them when she was alive.

Dorothy was a very secretive woman. For years we assumed she was just as Irish as her husband (his parents emigrated from the old sod). She celebrated all the high holy Irish days. House had all the requisite Irish and British trinkets and knick knacks. We knew only the most basic info about her background – mother died early, raised by aunt, from Bay City. Then one day while searching through family trees online I plugged in her name. See, with my family I can never find anything. They were all pretty low profile, in an area that was saw a lot of troops plundering and pillaging back and forth, records burned so little is to be found. I relish looking up other families. It is ever so exciting to find a well organized and researched family tree, something I can’t find for my own family. And there she was, her immediate family with the rest of her branches in full leaf online. Low and behold, she was not Irish! It doesn’t get more Polish than her family.

Dorothy was not happy about my discovery. All those years of her sons and family attending the St. Pat’s parade, decorating with all sort of greenery. Everybody wants to be Irish. Face it – it is a fun group – drink a lot and sing tuneful sentimental songs. Even my sister totally distanced herself from her German ancestry, alas. Going in her house you would not spot anything German. Dorothy also was a avid Catholic. But in her old age she hung out with the old ladies of a Methodist church group. When the Methodist pastor was invited to say a few words at her mass he expressed surprise that she was catholic.

Think about it, she was 95 so her son is already in his 70’s. Can you imagine having your mother around until you are well into your 70’s? I am grappling with that same set up. My mother is 90. All my life I have received unsolicited feedback from her. Now she will tell you that she lets her children lead their lives, but the reality is different. It is a bit of the jewish mother guilt trip. They truly have no idea the influence their statements and comments have. They move away and expect you to visit them for the holidays and such. How often have I hear “do it for me” yet they never give pause to reflect on making these demands. She needs to not do it, for me.

Dorothy’s son will be lost. In your 70’s to loose your mother. It might be harder than loosing her in your 40’s or 20’s. Your lives are so very entwined, especially with a mother who so freely imposes her opinion and keeps the apron strings tied. She really treated her only son like shit, especially as she got older.  Of course he never said any words back to her, like no.

Well the funeral and mass is Monday. Have to read up on church behavior for atheists, or non-believers. Her wish was for nothing in the way of funereal services. But this rite is really to give closure to the living; the dead don’t care anymore. Like my father said shortly before his death: “If they didn’t come see me when I’m alive they don’t have to come after I’m dead.” In his case many did come to see him, especially to his funeral and the procession to the cemetery. Dorothy will be put on display, visitation they call it, at the church, and then cremated. Cool they can just rent a coffin for the visitation. Glad to see they are not going the route of burning an expensive coffin. But she will still have to be embalmed, a nasty process. People don’t really understand what the undertaker does otherwise I think more would forego that gut-wrenching procedure.

I can’t say I’ll miss Dorothy. Not only was she secretive but her propensity for lying, in situations that really didn’t warrant that, made me distance myself from her. We came to realize her husband had been a buffer for much of her behavior. When he was gone everyone had to suffer her irrational, lying manipulations. Oh I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. When I die will people be hard pressed to speak well of me? Can I change that in the time left?

Ch 9 Ruß, Memelland

In Germany it’s the custom to have small fields next to the farmstead and those were used for the most valuable crops.  Hay fields, a cheap crop, are located a good distance away where the land is not as fruitful and cheaper, often land with no other good economic uses.  They didn’t need them for grazing as no one had big herds of livestock; these were small family farms in pre war Germany and pretty much still in the present day.  There are no big industrial ranches like in the States.

Today we are taking an excursion crossing over the big bridge to the other side of the Memel River and past the floodplain by Russ (Rusne).  First we cross a small bridge in Heydekrug.  This is the one where Mom and her co worker, Erna, used to take walks on their one hour lunch.  They did this even in the winter, all bundled up with fancy boots and a fur muff.

We head over to the hay fields, where the entire Redetzki family traveled in the summer to harvest hay.  This high bridge over the Memel River is not the one Mom remembers, the old bridge having been destroyed in the war. Up and over the bridge I drive, then a sharp turn to the left and down the steep embankment into the city of Russ. This city looks much older than anything I’ve seen so far, but it also looks abandoned.  At one time this city was actually larger than Heydekrug, and historically more significant.  It is located on the estuary, so took advantage of the river traffic centuries ago.

On the 1939 topographic map, this area is packed with houses even though it is mainly swampland.  My mother tells me that fisherman shacks crowded this area.  The land is right near the water and lays very low.  Now there is nothing but fields and woods where once huts stood tightly together lining the roadside.  There is not even any house in sight along this road.

In the center of Russ stands a very large, dark, brick Lutheran church. This village is laid out with a green common area in front of the church, surrounded by buildings pressed up tight against the roads.  Several large trees around the church make it very dark in settings that are usually wide open and bright. So if the other old villages were still standing would they look like this? There is no formal front entrance to the church, which seems unusual – no path, no steps to the doors, just a worn footpath worn through overgrown grass.  A clock is built up high into the brick work on each of the four sides of the tower.  The architecture is typical of churches in East Prussia; very unornamented, just a plain square tower with a narrow spire.  The base is massive covered with stucco painted white.

The houses surrounding the common are grey stucco all built right next to the road. I stop the car and we walk around the church grounds.  I realize it is midweek, people probably at work, but the quietness seems unnatural. No children playing, no people walking, no car traffic.  This is very different from Heydekrug.   Russ is the oldest settlement in the area with the first historical mention in the 14th century.  Parts of the village actually are below sea level so it’s surprising anything stands intact.  This Lutheran church was built in 1809.

We see a sign for an ethnographic museum just on the outskirts of town.  When we get there we find an open-air museum of restored fisherman’s cottages.  This looks interesting.  Let’s take a look.  They just haven’t been a whole lot of tourist sights so far.  And it’s the next best thing to trying to invade the home of real Lithuanians.

The primary residence is a small one story, thatched roof house.  There are no guidebooks or signs to explain anything to us.  Inside a small group is getting a tour, but not in any language we speak.  So we wander from room to room and I use the guide I have right at hand – my mother.  I ask her questions and she talks about what they had in her own home.  These rooms are tight, dark and damp. There is no fire going which would provide some warmth.  The rooms are furnished with what would have been used in the early and mid 19th century.  No electricity and no indoor water closet.

Most interesting to me is the kitchen which is very different from anything I’ve seen.  The hearth is about three feet above the floor which means you wouldn’t have so much bending to do cooking and baking. Wonder if I could get this in my kitchen?  However, that may not have been the original intent for this design.  There is no counter or shelf space. Inhabitants would have had some sort of cabinet or table in the room to work on.   My mother talks about her work at home in a kitchen much like this.  This seems to be as close as I’ll come to seeing what her home was actually like.

We leave the museum and drive out further on the country roads.  Absolutely no homes are left in what used to be a densely populated area. Lonely trees line the sides of the road. Back in her day the area was called Klein Berlin.  Pre WWII the area inhabitants were very poor. I have a VHS of early films from the 1930’s created in Germany to present a lovely picture of life in East Prussia.  It was possibly made for tourist promotional purposes.  The fishermen and their wives and children all smile at the camera.  Occasionally you see teeth missing in their smiles.  Gaily they go about their daily chores and the narration describes their idyllic live.  The sun is shining, they are all happy and the children are all blonde.  In reality weather was cold and damp, they scrapped out a living and it was not desirable to live there.

The German bigot who incurred my wrath at Emilijia P.’s B& B was from Skriwiet, one of the villages long since disappeared from these roads.  He’ll be gone soon, too, and forgotten.  The absence of villages, or of even any sign of a community, continues to perplex me.  How can everything be so totally purged and all evidence of human occupation gone?  Were so few people left behind by the ravages of the world that they were unable to repopulate the area?  There is so much empty space in this country that used to be densely populated.  The rest of the world got more crowded and this place got emptier?

High summer is the time for hay harvest.  It would be very hot, but you had to get in the hay for animal feed that would take them through the winter. Back at the farm, some 15 kilometers away from these hayfields, the horses were hitched to the wagon and the family climbed on for the long trip out across the river. All the girls, mother and father went along.  They needed the workers.  Mom hated this work just as she disliked all the hard, backbreaking work associated with farming.

A scythe was used to cut the hay.  I have a scythe that I bought at a country auction.  It actually is the most useful implement for cutting tall weeds and my raspberry canes.  A weed-whacker tears up the long grasses and shoots green juice all over your legs.  It also leaves ragged cuts in the stalks ends which are propelled violently through the air, smearing everything within a ten foot reach with that green goo.  On the other hand, a scythe cuts cleanly and leaves cuttings that can easily be raked up and used for mulch. Just have to keep your own legs and the legs of wandering dogs out of reach of that long sharp blade.  But it is really hard work to keep up that slicing rhythm for any length of time.  My shoulder muscles scream before I’ve cut much at all, and my heart pounds from the effort.  I can’t imagine doing a whole field .  They must have had very callused hands and muscles of iron.

The wagon had to be filled at the end of the day before they made the ride home.  You took along a few meager refreshments and maybe something to eat.  It was hot, dusty, hard work.  Arms would ache, but you had to go on, row after row.  Often by the time the wagon was full it was dusk, everyone exhausted.  Now you hitched the horses up and made the long journey home.  Watch that you didn’t doze off and fall off the wagon. Back over the bridge and Memel River, through town on out to the farm.  It wasn’t quite as idyllic as those lovely pastoral scenes show in oil paintings.  Only city people far removed from the actual work found it idyllic.  And this was the routine as late as the 1930’s and 40’s!  Probably later in the war devasted eastern provinces.

I understand now why my parents were never interested in those American museums that display farm implements going back to colonial times.  It wasn’t that long ago for them that they actually used the tools that are on display as antique memorabilia.   They also remember the back-breaking hard work that went with the tools.  We nowadays reminisce on the simplicity of those bygone times – they remember the toil, the hunger and not having other options.

On the trip back to town we see a young woman walking along the roadside far from any settlement.  All over the countryside we see people walking, some holding out the universal thumb, hoping for a ride. So often they would be in the middle of the open country, no buildings in sight for miles in either direction.  I figured they must have already walked a great distance and clearly had a good distance yet to go.  In this case I tell my mother we should stop and offer her a ride.  The young woman gets in the car, looking a bit hesitant upon realizing we are foreigners.  She doesn’t speak English or German and of course we have no grasp of Lithuanian.   The situation was probably stranger for her than for us; at least there were two of us.  I hoped to leave her with a positive impression of Americans, and I bet she could figure out that much at least.  And like a good number of Americans, my mother and I talked and laughed.  In retrospect I hope we didn’t scare her.  It is our laughter that so many other cultures note about Americans.  We are uninhibited in that respect, loud and boldly we laugh.  How is it we do seem to find so much to be funny?  We laugh at ourselves and at others.  So many other cultures just don’t have a good sense of humor.

It might have been risky picking up a stranger along a lonely roadside.  I hope the gesture helped her in some small measure and will cause her to extend a kindness at some future date.  Generally I’ve found people to be very helpful and kind to foreigners throughout my travels.  So I find it important to try to return this gesture when I can, both as I travel elsewhere and encounter foreigners at home.

We come to the city and our passenger indicates where she wants to get out.  I stop, she leaves.  Good bye!

As we crisscross the countryside on two land roads with little traffic I look for old houses.  I try to find one that looks like the Redetzki house did.  When we come upon a likely candidate I ask Mom, “It that like your house?”  She says yes, but I think her criterion is looser than mine. Anyway, I stop the car and photograph it. Never see any people around any of the houses.   The one that she tells me is most like her own house we find down near Kirlikcken, where my grandfather Julius’ parents lived when they died in the early 1930’s. This building has seen better times, and looks so old it might actually be 70 or more years old.  And it is sort of like her family home, one story and four walls, and well, sort of like the old Redetzki house.  But here too in this area the villages are all gone and the view open for miles.

On another of our excursions we go out to the Windenburger Eck, or Vente Horn.  This is an ornithological station located on a little point of land that sticks out in the Kurische Nehrung.  Here is a lighthouse that dates back to the 19th century.  The keeper’s house has been converted into a birding field station and museum.  This day was drizzly and not really good to being outdoors.  We also were getting a bit tired of each others company; too much time in close proximity.

As we come down the narrow lane to the Lighthouse a big tour bus comes into view parked at the end of the lane.   The scene across the lagoon is great, but the tour bus means a crowd.  We‘ve been very fortunate in not encountering tourists, actually none at all, other than our first day at the hotel in Memel.  And now here is a busload of Germans!  Not more Germans – doesn’t anybody else come here?  Once we got in the station is made for tight quarters, but they were already on their way out.

Even without hearing a language I would be able to tell these were Germans.  It’s the same whether you see a tour group of Americans, or Brits, or Japanese.  The dress, the movement, the actions – you know them before you hear them.  They all have their own unique travel rituals and customs.

Odd is that we don’t see any birds.  Have no idea why.  Outside on the grounds large nets on tall poles are strung across the lawn.  Do they actually leave these up all the time?  It seems a bit of a cruel way to catch the birds.  A lot of bird banding is done here and the birds are tracked to far flung places in their migrations.  I have no idea how these things on done in America.  Don’t they use transmitters on the birds?  When the birding groups I know off need to count birds, they send out groups of volunteers who sit around with their binoculars and literally count.  That’s how Audubon does the Christmas count and the backyard count.  Maybe the big nets are a secret weapon.

It is time to eat, but the drizzle keeps us from sitting out on the lawn.  In the car we huddle and drink a beverage, eat our bread, cheese and sausage.  It tastes good, even in the confines of the car.  But the mood is still a bit tense.  I hope it’s not a sign of more tension as we are going to be together for several more days yet.

There is very little development on the small peninsula.  A few solitary houses stand next to the road.  There used to be several villages here, the largest being Kinten.  It is mentioned frequently in church records I’ve looked at.  It is the same scenario we saw going out past Russ – the old villages gone and no new development.  Now, people have moved to the city and there aren’t many people to stay in the rural areas.  Same story everywhere.

The Trials of Family

For all practical purposes, going forward I will tell people I have no family, except for an elderly mother. I am now ostracized because of a fight with my sister, the crazy mingebox.
She is so overwhelmingly negative about life. I don’t know where she because such a bitter person, unable to enjoy anything. Maybe it is her morbidly obese husband who can sit through a family gathering and not say a word to anyone.
She bemoans her poverty-stricken childhood, how much money everything costs, how much nicer everyone else has their homes, gardens, lives. Yet she has money but her only interest in life is shopping, yet she needs nothing.
We had a fight when I asked her to drive me to my colonoscopy. You can’t get one unless you have a driver because you get sedated. On the ride there we got in a fight when I asked her to give me a chance to finish a sentence. She constantly interrupts with a tirade of rants against the universe. Boy, because of my request I unleashed a flood of accusations.
My fear was that she might not be reliable to take me to the hospital, or not take me home. I realized I also needed to have an emergency number and didn’t have my cell phone in an attempt to take few belongings with me. She flatly refused to give me the numbers of any family members. And here I am about to be sedated for a procedure and totally at her mercy.
I told her that everyone was right, she is a bitch. She was taken aback, not by being called a bitch, but wanted to know ‘who’ else had said this!
I got through the procedure and back home. She was paid money and I told her I will never, ever ask anything of her again.
Well she told her daughter about a fight we had, details of which I don’t know but can imagine. Now my niece doesn’t invite me because of that. I’m not cure whether her mother told her she won’t attend if I’m there, or what.
I’m sorely disappointed in my niece, and family as a whole. My sister has a history of these sorts of conflicts with her own kids, where she refuses to speak with them. In February she refused to attend her 3-year old grandson’s birthday party because she can’t stand his other grandparents. That is just one incident.
So I have deleted nieces from my cell phone. They don’t call anyway. For the past year I have tried to be a nice family member, attending events, not holding grudges, even inviting my sister and her fat husband to my birthday lunch (oh, they are such dull, uninteresting guests) all to no avail. It was also to somewhat placate my mother who wants that perfect family. Her need to control and pretend the family is greeting card happy is a big part of the problem.
I never got along with my sister, 6 years older. I don’t even remember her in my own childhood – I see her in family photos, but don’t remember her. She is dull witted, has a real negative aura, complains without having any facts.
I have to reconcile that I am going to be alone. This shit is why I lived 3 hours away for 25 years. They are not my support network and I have develop other relationships for such.

Car Rental Lithuanian Style Ch 3/pg 5

Oh now we are oh too full, but in a very promising mood about what this country holds for us. While waiting for my mother to come down and join me for breakfast, I went ahead and made arrangements for her to have a massage. I thought she’d enjoy that after her long flight. So she heads off for her massage and I head outside for a walk to get my preview of the county.
Early morning rush hour, people hustle along the streets. The location of the hotel is on a river or perhaps a canal, I can’t quite be certain which. The city feels vibrant and alive with activity. I know this is a port city but I can’t see any signs of a harbor even as I try to follow the river. And the weather is lovely. The site is in an area of north of the city center. My mother remembers a less built up area years ago. After about an hour walk I head back to the hotel.
Oh did she ever love her massage! This is a first ever massage ever for her. She got beat up real good by a genuine Russian trained masseur so by her standards that means it was excellent. It has to hurt to do you good. She’s already talking with excitement about another appointment when we return.
Now we meet with our rental car agent who is meeting us at the hotel. Algeridas, first name basis, is prompt and even speaks English! This is a real surprise to me. There hasn’t been that much time for the country to get English in the school since the border opened. In the past everyone had to learn Russian possibly English sometime later in their schooling. This young entrepreneur is 20-ish and already fluent in English. I found his agency on the internet and the prices were so much better than those of the American companies. So what if I’m driving a used Opal instead of a new Volkswagen. Anyway, I find it better not being too conspicuous as a foreigner. Forget that Mercedes!

Most Important Meal Ch 3/pg 4

Before we go to sleep we lay awake for a short time talking about our impressions so far. Mom realizes that this is not is the Lithuania she feared she would find. So far so good, and we are still in awe of the lovely Air Lithuania flight especially after the atrocious meal on Northwestern. Really seem food driven.
Morning comes! Breakfast! We are famished! Dressed and down to the main restaurant we go. There we find the large dining room set up for a buffet and full of – eh gads – Germans! It is a whole big tour group of them, so big it might be two groups actually. Okay, we’re now Americans for all practical purposes. Just like any large assembly of people, we want to stay clear of them. For that matter all groups exaggerate the worst qualities of any nationality when they congregate in large numbers. It seems so very odd being here in Lithuania and hearing all this German spoken. Somehow a bit out-of-place. I am in a non-German country and only hear German spoken.
We’re hungry so go check over the buffet before getting in line. What a lovely assortment. Hope we’re not drooling in anticipation. We’re just as happy as can be, especially if this is a sign of how things will be here. You may travel for the sights, but the food can make or break the trip. We just never really developed American taste buds. Unlike my travels through America, I have never lacked for good food in Europe. Wait, there was that one trip to Czechoslovakia – made the mistake of eating a sausage from an outdoor vendor. It was truly inedible; one chew brought to mind visions of Upton Sinclair’s infamous book about the meat packing industry. I spit out the awful gristle and threw the rest in the garbage bin. But that was just shortly after the fall. Western style competition had yet to take hold.

Darkness in Palanga Ch 3/pg 1

We arrive in Palanga, Lithuania in the pitch dark of night. It is after ten pm. The plane is very small so there aren’t many passengers to handle. We still have to wait around in the very small terminal for officials. Finally here they come: customs, passport control and various uniformed personnel who just stand around. Did they have to wake them up, were they sleeping maybe? Or is this just a bureaucratic show of authority, you know, “let them wait”. I last experienced this attitude in the Bahamas upon landing at an airport on a remote out island. Thought it was just a Caribbean thing. Then there is the U.S. The officials all stand behind their official podiums, awaiting your arrival, ready to scrutinize you’re papers. Others intently stare at the crowd from the sidelines, scanning faces for guilty looks.
We could scarcely have surprised these Lithuanians officials with our plane – nothing is going on and planes don’t arrive without notice, so why aren’t they ready for us? The terminal is dark. Perhaps the lights don’t work. There are only a very few signs posted around the large hall. No bright commercial advertising typical of other airports. No travel posters, no resort or hotel ads.
Passport and customs procedures alone tell me that the days of Communist ways of doing things are long gone. It is all pretty easy to get done. Nothing spoken, no questions. Nobody slowly checking your identification details waiting for you to break a sweat, repeatedly glancing from your photo to your face, like in the good ole days when you endured examination in no man’s land. All while the German Sheppard’s patrolled. Now we just have to figure out how to get out of the airport and make the journey to our hotel in Memel city (Klaipeda). I forgot to plan for this little detail.

Ch 2 We Take Flight pg 4

years later. Is that how things really were? If you read this in a book of fiction you’d say it is so unrealistic or a poor imitation of George Orwell.
In spite of a dismal experience at Metro, I am actually excited and have a real sense of adventure about this trip. The air of anticipation reminds me of the trips I took in my younger days. There is a promise of adventure and new sights, sounds and aromas, the thrill of discovery and new experiences. And not being certain what awaits us.
First stop – Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam. What a big, cosmopolitan airport. People are ever so stylish walking briskly through brightly lit corridors. I feel schlumpy. Even the airport staff looks very efficient and is neatly dressed. This contrast is especially stark after our experience of only 6 hours ago! We still have to deal with the unwritten law of Airport Travel – your next flight will always be furthest away from where you land. I guide my mother through the maze of corridors and gates peering above heads for clues on getting to our gate. Mom is very able-bodied but I take her elbow and steer.
We walk down several corridors, get on a shuttle bus, go to another corridor, and then arrive at the gate to wait. I make all the decisions, checking signs, asking directions, carrying the hand luggage and directing Mom. She is a bit like a piece of extra baggage. I will say that she’s very agreeable, doesn’t argue or contradict, but leaves it all in my hands which suits me fine. Not all previous trips have been like this. I don’t have to explain or clarify or argue. Fortunately I make the right choices and we don’t have to backtrack or lose time.
Even though this is our first stop in European territory, a quick passport check suffices. There is absolutely no customs, no baggage examination for undeclared cash or smuggled drugs. Is this not a problem here or not as big an issue? Us Americans are, however,