Realtor Rant

They are such easy targets, aren’t they? Just like other professions who earn they money solely based on commissions. They get a reputation, usually not good. Does it change people into looking for the bottom line all the time, or does it attract people who are lured because of that bottom line payoff.
I know when the bank increasingly pushed us for revenue, higher sales goals, I got less discriminating over selling products. There were sales competitions and I had to place, beat the other guy or I might be out. So I sold foreign currency accounts, convinced little companies whenever possible, even though it wasn’t lucrative business for us. I had to get customers, had to score sales.
So I’m going to vent some of my realtor experiences. Let me make clear I worked with two good ones (over 24 years, 5 houses). Maggie is an old-time realtor who knows her territory in detail; sold most the homes and knows everyone. But she is getting old, husband has medical problems, and isn’t readily available. And then there is Earnie, who sold my last house. He is a land development, also old school older guy. And even though he has a Korean wife who didn’t speak English when they married, he knows is real estate stuff.
What have I experienced?
Realtors who don’t understand the paperwork, be it normal contract, foreclosure, or just that you can’t pencil in stuff in the margins.
The big franchise based real estate companies. They gobbled up the small companies that actually knew areas. Now they assign staff to work in whatever office, no matter where the agent lives. And of course all their agents are really well qualified and experienced if you ask.
You’ve got email, cell phone, office voice mail. You think you could answer messages on one of them?
They love you when they take the listing but then try and see them again.
Too many of the women are just flitty and ditzy – they can’t think straight and get everything more confused.
Giving me a pile of listings is not really helping me find a house. I give you an idea of what I’m looking for and you find appropriate properties.
Whether buyer or seller agent, they all seem to most represent themselves. The transfer of property is an archaic system that needs to be overhauled.
I’ve had realtors who couldn’t find the house because they got the address confused and misplaced my telephone number. Meanwhile I’m waiting for them to show up to list the house for sale. They can’t call their office? They don’t have a cell phone to call information for my number? And this is a highly respected local realtor.

New Listings

All the houses are starting to look the same. I’m asking to see houses I’ve already looked at. I can’t tell them apart.
I’m on hiatus from viewing any more homes online.
There is a dearth of new listings.
And I can’t seem to get call backs re two builders I want to check out the one home I saw that might work, but it needs work. Question is how serious is the work that needs to be done.
I’m going to swim some laps.

Glowing House Descriptions

What sort of creative writing courses do these realtors take?
They’re all a real steal, a great home, ready to move in, great landscaping. I’m starting to get a handle on the coded verbage. When you read the description and then see the house, makes you wonder if Helen Keller is the agent. Too glowing of a description and the warning flags go up.
I’m bummed after viewing 3 hopefuls. And I just don’t rush out and view every listing my agent sends me. But this were very disappointing.
The brick bungalow was the typical 3 bedroom home common to that area of Redford. Has a good layout, very interesting retro metal kitchen cabinets (in good shape), good fenced yard, part finished basement (had tiles on the floor) with a fireplace right next to the furnace. But it just wasn’t what I envisioned for my life. On top of it it’s a short sale; listed at $89,900, but they owe $160,000.
Behind door number 2 was a bungalow with one of those remodeling jobs that fucked up the house. You had to entry the master bedroom through an afterthought door in the dining room. Kitchen very small, desperately in need of a remodel. Basement small, finished, but well laid out; easy to update the tired paneling and faux stucco walls. But that snack bar to the ‘family room’ was a big square hole in the kitchen wall that was really unnecessary. Big yard, needs fence. Overpriced.
House number 3 was the foreclosure I checked out yesterday. Inside was worse. Once again, what were they thinking when they put on the family room? Bedrooms very small for a 2,400 sq ft house. Kitchen small. Where was all this footage? As a result of the remodeling, they didn’t bother to seal off a bedroom window that looked into the family room. And there is the dangerous staircase leading from the living room into the basement; only a flimsy unsecured metal railing keeps you from stepping into the dark void below. And then there is a slider on the wall on the other side of the stair; you step over the open stairway to get out. Best feature was the first floor laundry room. Basement recently waterproofed – a little wetness, eh? And a myriad of water stains on the basement ceiling tiles. Still overpriced as a foreclosure.
Seen several homes where the remodeling job left the house with awkward traffic patterns, walls in front of windows. You skim on spending that extra $3k and end up with the house fucked up.

Cat Update

My poor neglected pussies. Stuck in this small apartment, they are never able to go outside to smell the fresh air and kill birds. I try to dope them up with catnip, but it doesn’t seem satisfying enough for them.
Not that they do much anyway, but they could probably use more stimulation. Should I try walking them on a leash? Would they be horribly insulted?
They do come out, not like the first two weeks where Putt lived in the closet. He has come out of the closet, and now spends a lot of time on the window sills. No longer rushes off to hide if there is a sudden noise – which an apartment has plenty of. But he is still skittish. It is nothing like the solitude of the 20 acre home we had before April 1st.
And Boomer was the quickest to adjust. That fat cat prefers the living couch for lounging. day or night. I try to keep the slider open a bit so they can sit and pretend to be outside. Do cats dream, maybe of days where they hunted, free to explore scents and chase bugs, mice and anything that moved?

I Hate Realtors

We are in the final negotiation stages for the sale of my house. The buyer is dragging on getting all the inspections that his realtor recommends. They don’t want anyone suing them so are having the buyer get numerous inspections like an appraisal on a cash sale in this market. I’m having sleepless nights worrying about finding some place to live, trying to move at month end when rental trucks are scarce and wondering what the appraisal value will be.
What if it appraises low? Am I stuck here to waste away my early retirement?
And because the house is 20 years old, which the buyer knows, and it doesn’t have a new roof, which the buyer knows, they got a roof inspection and one bid for a new roof with tear down. And it’s super HIGH! And they want me to pay half, deducted from the price of the house, of course. You knew it needed a new roof when you bid on it! What assholes.
I can put on a new roof for a hell of a lot less – it will just be a shingle over. And maybe I’ll just do that and they can move in mid-April to the house with the new roof.
My fear is that I’ll just get so ticked off I’ll say forget this crap. And put on a new roof using 20 year shingles hammered on by some guys I know. I already told my realtor to ask this other realtor if she wants this deal or maybe she has enough sales already. She’s a loopy part-time realtor and suburban housewife. What a mingebox.
It is a tactic that will ultimately cost me. I know a lower offer will get the house and I have to pay the other costs associated with owing the house. There will be lost opportunity costs by not being able to get out of this town.
Where is my pop up camper. Fannie, my little dog, let’s go escape somewhere and leave this behind.

Brother can you find me a Home?

Pending closing on my house. I need to find some place to live in, pets allowed. Can’t find a house – short sales don’t close quickly even if you have cash. And any nice homes get snatched up real quick – like I find it on the internet, then by the time I call the realtor they have an offer. How about a lease, rent a house. With pets. Can’t get a short-term lease on a house. Okay, for the first time even I’m looking at apartments. Whatever it may say on the internet listing is not what they tell you when you visit. When it says ‘Month to Month lease’ what it really means is: after you complete one full lease term, then you get month to month. And the pet thing, fees for pets differ, some only accept small dogs, other require one time non-refundable deposit. Okay, I finally catching on to the apartment game. And why would they require a security check on non-lease occupants? I would think if a tenant has non-lease occupants they are not going to tell you about them. There is a reason they are not on the lease: maybe they just picked them up a couple nights ago, or it is the baby daddy coming to visit, or they need to sublet for rent money. Who knows. But really, residents needing security checks? What does that tell me?
So I finally find a place, all are depressing after you’ve lived in your own lovely large home fixed exactly as you want. I remind myself this is short-term. I had German student housing, attic rooms, camping in South Dakota hailstorms, shared a condo with bizarro skiers intent on posing in their underwear, cockroach infested cabin at the Garst Farm Resort, so I can add to my repertoire of stories with one more new situation.
Just have to get the buyers moving on their goddamn offer so that I can sign the lease. Finish up these inspections and let’s finalize the deal! What sort of price reduction are they going to ask for.