The Trials of Family

For all practical purposes, going forward I will tell people I have no family, except for an elderly mother. I am now ostracized because of a fight with my sister, the crazy mingebox.
She is so overwhelmingly negative about life. I don’t know where she because such a bitter person, unable to enjoy anything. Maybe it is her morbidly obese husband who can sit through a family gathering and not say a word to anyone.
She bemoans her poverty-stricken childhood, how much money everything costs, how much nicer everyone else has their homes, gardens, lives. Yet she has money but her only interest in life is shopping, yet she needs nothing.
We had a fight when I asked her to drive me to my colonoscopy. You can’t get one unless you have a driver because you get sedated. On the ride there we got in a fight when I asked her to give me a chance to finish a sentence. She constantly interrupts with a tirade of rants against the universe. Boy, because of my request I unleashed a flood of accusations.
My fear was that she might not be reliable to take me to the hospital, or not take me home. I realized I also needed to have an emergency number and didn’t have my cell phone in an attempt to take few belongings with me. She flatly refused to give me the numbers of any family members. And here I am about to be sedated for a procedure and totally at her mercy.
I told her that everyone was right, she is a bitch. She was taken aback, not by being called a bitch, but wanted to know ‘who’ else had said this!
I got through the procedure and back home. She was paid money and I told her I will never, ever ask anything of her again.
Well she told her daughter about a fight we had, details of which I don’t know but can imagine. Now my niece doesn’t invite me because of that. I’m not cure whether her mother told her she won’t attend if I’m there, or what.
I’m sorely disappointed in my niece, and family as a whole. My sister has a history of these sorts of conflicts with her own kids, where she refuses to speak with them. In February she refused to attend her 3-year old grandson’s birthday party because she can’t stand his other grandparents. That is just one incident.
So I have deleted nieces from my cell phone. They don’t call anyway. For the past year I have tried to be a nice family member, attending events, not holding grudges, even inviting my sister and her fat husband to my birthday lunch (oh, they are such dull, uninteresting guests) all to no avail. It was also to somewhat placate my mother who wants that perfect family. Her need to control and pretend the family is greeting card happy is a big part of the problem.
I never got along with my sister, 6 years older. I don’t even remember her in my own childhood – I see her in family photos, but don’t remember her. She is dull witted, has a real negative aura, complains without having any facts.
I have to reconcile that I am going to be alone. This shit is why I lived 3 hours away for 25 years. They are not my support network and I have develop other relationships for such.

Death and the Baby Boomer

Ah Baby Boomers, consider yourself notified. You’ve reached the age where peers, acquaintances are increasingly dying off. Periodically I google names on the internet. These are people from my past, some good, some not.Increasingly I’m finding their obituaries. I feel sad not only that they died, but that they died some years previous and I missed their passing. People truly are only dead to us if we know they died (sort of like the old ‘tree falling in the forest making noise”). If I didn’t know of your death then are you dead, in my frame of reference?
Increasingly I enjoy reading obits, of anyone. The ones in the Detroit paper aren’t as interesting as the ones in the smaller town where I previously lived. Probably because the big town paper costs more perhaps? That’s something else that will be missing with the demise of newspapers scanning obits; online life story doesn’t quite have the same feel.
At any rate, I read obits of people I hated. and I read the obit and wonder who the hell they are talking about. I remember the adage of not speaking ill of the dead. I’m almost tempted to email the family that he was an asshole who tried to get me fired when I wouldn’t type envelopes for him! I watch the YouTube video of the eulogies and hear the sons and daughter describe this person who fought against discrimination, a person who in my own experience ranted about clerks who didn’t kiss the ground that he, as a Vice President, walked on. That was Ron DenBroeder. But it wouldn’t achieve anything to slander him. Of course they should remember the good times, the good deeds. They knew he got canned early because he wasn’t any good. They knew the struggles he had after early retirement getting tossed out of groups and losing a township election (last place, mind you, in a wide field).
But there are the others, some young, dying suddenly. I do long to add meaning to my existence. You do think of how you will be remembered. I do know we are all forgotten.

Bless His Heart

Watching part 2 of The Atheism Tapes, I took in the interview Jonathan Miller had with Richard Dawkins, famed biologist. My personal revelation is shared by others! It is shared with Richard Dawkins – I am very flattered. Yeah sure, deep down I know his conclusion came earlier and without any input from me.
Here’s the point at which he saw the light: in adolescence he realized that religious beliefs are a result of an arbitrary accident. Your religion is a direct result of your place of birth. Born in northern Germany, you are a Protestant; born in the south you’re Catholic. Born in the U.S. deep south, you’re gonna be a Baptist. Born in Republic of Ireland, you’re Catholic. And it was worse, more black and white, years ago. Parents actually change their religion now, and children will follow that religion or lack thereof.
Further how can there be so many religions all of which are right? And they maintain they are the only true and rightful path in that they condemn all other religions.

Winner of the Darwin Award

How long before middle eastern cultures learn that shooting off guns in celebrations is detrimental to your health (and especially the health of those nearby)? Having bullets rain on you can be worse than being shot at.
At a recent wedding in Turkey after firing the traditional initial gun shots, the groom ended up killing his father and two other guests.
He started off by shooting in the air with a machine gun. Then he quickly lost control of the gun and ended up shooting right into the group of guests. In addition to killing his own father , he killed two aunts and wounded 8 other relatives.
Wonder what he had planned for celebration after achieving penetration of the bride, with his penis and not a bullet. Oh wait, he was arrested before the festivities were even over so he didn’t get another opportunity to shoot the bride.
Some might call this a tragedy. I call it culling the gene pool.

Kid Centric

Has our society become too fixed on children? Are we now on a level with a primitive village where the children wander around at will learning by doing?
It seems every where I turn activities are geared at children. This in an age where at home they receive videos, television program ad nauseam, instructive toys, households retrofitted for children, music in the womb, and on and on. Realtors, libraries, banks, dentists offices allocate space for play areas. How often have you actually seen children playing there?
My rant started when I went to the recreation center today to swim laps only to find I was unable to get into the women’s locker as it was filled with little girls. Yeah that they are getting their exercise, but what about paying adults? Oh yeah the kids pay too thru their parents. but when I’m using the facility there is still room for kids.
Yesterday I was at the main library in this suburb and has to listen to the kids shrieking, running down the aisles, etc. I’m so glad the library has allocated all that floor space for children activities.
They have so many activities geared specifically for kids yet we are raising a population of fat, lazy, dumb, video addicted children.
Maybe we need to go back to making the kids go outside and play and gear facilities back to adult use.
My point being that decades of specially designing public spaces to be child friendly doesn’t seem to be helping the children behave in society in a well-adjusted manner. We just seem to have a hell of a lot of hyper, screaming, idiots.
Next post – dealing with the disabled.

Too Much Info

The next major change relating to markers occurs late in the 20th century. Married date is clearly now vital information for the marker! Often the date is placed with intertwined rings, or a heart. “Together Forever” is a favorite phrase used near the marriage date. These are couples who experienced the Depression, a world war, and the prosperity of the 50’s. Nicknames now appear, and engravings of hobbies and interests primarily addressing those of the men. As for the women, well, they are busy cooking, cleaning and childbearing so how can they have time for hobbies.
Bible verses in their entirety now proliferate. Did society truly become more religious? It is perhaps put on as a talisman, to help the dead gain entry in the afterlife? Or is it now cheaper to have more text due to new stone carving methods.
These markers evolved to become very busy with loads of text; my transcription of the markers takes longer. I need to expand the column on my spreadsheet so that I can see it as I type all this information into the little column.
Someone came up with the idea of using the back of the tombstone. Just isn’t enough space ont he front for all this important detail. We’ve got landscape scenes carved on the front, but we can add even more information on the back– names of children and beloved grandchildren. Are there granchildren out there not beloved? Entire stanzas of poetry appear on the back, obscure references and sayings which might be meaningful to family but will puzzle subsequent generations. It is there for all eternity, but will it mean anything to another generation?
Another recent change is that the symbols we use show us the possessions of the deceased. We are materialistic. Maybe we want to take it with us. I’m reminded of the old Pharaohs of Egypt – they did the same thing with their pyramids. Add the beloved possessions and items to help manuver in the afterlife. We now provide a hand of cards with a full house, a sports car, gun and rod, nature scene, needle and thread, football. People choose to display the life they left behind rather than focus on what happens after death, or what they think happens.
Great scenes are now carved on many of the tombstones. These are big stones; a single one is the size of a monument that previously represented an entire family, two generations, from years past. A lot of these scenes are idyllic, nature scenes – forest, lake, evergreens, deer. Our vision of heaven has changed. Our death idyl is a weekend up north, for all eternity. One monument even has a sign carved on the back, typical of those hanging at the driveway entrance to someone’s cottage up north. Are we trying to recreate an afterlife for ourselves, one we most want to find ourselves in. No one puts a picture of a factory or an office building, or angels at the gates of heaven.

They Don’t Make Films Like this Anymore

The Professionals
A largely forgotten action-adventure gem, The Professionals teams Lee Marvin, Robert Ryan and Burt Lancaster with more star wattage than most Westerns have ever marshaled. Hired to retrieve kidnapped Claudia Cardinale from bandito Jack Palance, these pros shoot, rope and ride all over northern Mexico.
Directed by Richard Brooks.
I do enjoy Burt Lancaster on the screen. He just makes me smile.
This action filmed movie actually has action scenes that are not quick edited to give you a headache. The film lets the plot unfold instead of covering the absence of plot with a myriad of elaborate special effects. Yeah, I liked Avatar, it was a simple cowboys vs. Indians with a shitload of special effects. Not a great movie, and surely quickly forgotten. Was the acting good or great – hard to tell with characters that are essentially animated.
In The Professionals it is great to watch seasoned actors who don’t rely on gimmicks. Of course it helps if you have a good script, a solid plot, good direction, and great scenery. Good true scenery wins over enhanced or computer generated every time.
Of course I was distracted by how Claudia Cardinale’s flimsy robe managed to stay put over her exaggerated thrust out bosom. There’s a Hollywood secret I’m curious about. And this 1966 film suffers just a bit from the studio creations of that era, where Claudia looks rather freshly groomed after days in the desert, but then she is a star.
However I did like the ending to The Hunting Party just a tad more. Same plot of a wealthy man’s wife, Candice Bergen, supposedly kidnapped and he recruits a group to go after her. He, Gene Hackman, finds her with her lover/kidnapper, Oliver Reed. And he shoots both of them dead. He then dies out of exhaustion. No one wins.

Pick a Stone

Around the turn of the last century marble is no longer used for tombstones. Lovely, colorful granites becomes the predominant material used. The carvings become elaborate with deeply incised engravings and wonderful font styles used for lettering. But the information on the markers themselves are very simple: name, birth – death, only the years, no month or day.
Another change occurs in that the married couples are taking on more equal roles – wife, husband – stated simply on the marker. Maiden names appear stated as the woman’s middle name. Didn’t she exist as a person before marriage?
A cross is typically incised on the tombstone, but gone is the symbolic language used for grief and death. Markers are utilitarian, and the stone itself permanent, like the rock of Gibraltar, to last thru the ages.
World War II brings about another change. An increasing number of military markers are evident and their style has changed. The markers are now available to all those who served in the military; up until the Civil War only those whose died in battle or as a direct result of injuries were given a military marker.
The Civil War changed many other burial practices due to the incredible high casualty rate. Developments in embalming allowed for the transport of bodies, especially in summer; this way they could be interred back home and not on the battlefield. And caskets changed from a simple plain wooden box to more elaborate metal containers, the better for transport.
For deaths prior Sept 11, 2001, a veteran can only have a government marker if the grave is not marked with a private headstone. It is the Bureau of Veterans Administration that determines policy regarding military markers, specifically their material, placement, size of the information on the marker including how the war is referred to. The marker is provided free of charge by the government. After Sept. 11, 2001 they decided that veterans would be allowed two markers; a military plaque must be placed on the back of the private monument.
Last week I saw a marker for a veteran of Iraq. Just Iraq, not war, conflict, simply Iraq. All American battles taking place in the second half of the 20th century are designated by country names only – Iraq, Vietnam, Korea.
It is in South Portage that I see a military marker for a female; both she and her husband served in World War II. Perhaps they met in the military; surely an interesting piece of family history.

Children and Museums

Next on our museum tour list: Cranbrook Institute of Science.
I’m not sure I’ve ever been here; I think I once had a photography class at the Art Museum.
Cranbrook’s big claim to fame is that Eero Saarinen designed many of the buildings. It is also located in Bloomfield Hills, one of the highest income cities in USA. Tres chic!
Driving onto the campus is like entering the state of Vermont – it’s about as big! Classy schools, ritzy market.
So we schlepp into the place. Okay, honestly, my niece drives a big SUV, a Chevy Traverse not Lincoln or Lexus. I’m a retired bank executive, not too shabby. It’s not the same as being a big auto exec or owner of a company. The kids are dressed in clean clothes.
Now here is one of the major differences I notice as we approach the entrance: we are NOT thin! These shi-shi women are thin, real thin. There is a different look to the rich. All around better maintained, more discerning gene pool. The lower classes get that look of mongrels, back to basic gene characteristics, you know, brown hair, round faces, softer noses.
But their kids are just as wild as my nieces! My goal is to get them out in public more often so that they just might start to learn to behave. Operative word is ‘start’. I will not be able to complete the experiment on my own and in the near future. It is a challenge.
Here is a observation about kids in museums – all they want to do is move something, anything. Turn it, slide it, push it. Content matters nothing, forget the artfully drawn pictures and carefully laid out displays. They don’t care. A brown box will have the same attraction for them. They are like killer bees looking for a subject to attack. They zoom in fingers wildly searching for an object to fondle, push, pull. The speed at which they move is daunting. Could it possibly be harnessed to produce natural sources of energy to power our cities?
At Cranbrook many of the buttons no longer are effective; the kids waste no time after they deliver an initial pounding.
And glass, well it is a perfect foil for your face and lips and let your arms and body slide across the slick surface.
All these lovely artifacts laid out so lovingly, but irrelevant if they don’t move or can’t be manipulated somehow.
Do they retain anything of the experience? Is it too much to expect they might have learned something from this exposure?
My mother doesn’t understand why I’m taking them to museums. I’m not certain whether it is because they behave so wildly or because she doesn’t go herself. I don’t remember her ever taking me to any museum. Maybe somewhere while on vacation we probably inadvertently stumbled into a display of history while visiting some fort or park. But we never actually made a visit just to a museum – definitely not one of art.
I think perhaps these visits will linger deep in their brain and some time when they are young adults it might allow them to be receptive to a museum visit on their own.

Ah, Wedding

My niece’s wedding day. This is the niece with the celebration event for which she mailed the invites first leaving us to wonder about the wedding – were they already married, was there a ceremony, will we be invited, well, to something?
Yes we, the immediate blood family received the invitation to a wedding held two days before the celebration (or perhaps it would be better to say the celebration is held two days after the wedding).
At any rate, it truly was a nice ceremony, very simple, easy, allowing for participation of nieces and nephews. The bride’s dress was lovely in its simplicity. No veil – good to let go a dated tradition more suitable for Berber tribes than 2010 western society. The children strew flower petals and the two nephews got guns shooting bubbles – cool. That got their active participation.
Traditional ceremony with a Lutheran pastor (groom is actual a born Lutheran also). Originally they were going to hold it outdoors in the Rose Garden, but fortunately it rained and they had it inside. It was hot and humid, the rain just made it more humid. Then we had drinks and a toast afterward. The entire group of made 35 people then heading to a restaurant for dinner.
Several people tried the annoying custom of tapping on glass to make the bride and groom kiss repeatedly. My mother was among the worst with that. The sensible couple didn’t always respond.
Perhaps this ceremony is what comes of waiting until your late 30′s to get married.
The food was okay, the drinks better. You know I never LIKE anything, much. Okay is pretty good; it’s all relative.
It was my first meeting of the groom. Not real close with any of my nieces in that I first met all the husbands at the wedding. This guy wasn’t at all what I expected. I thought he was a personal trainer – hardly. I saw that right away. He is in catering. Perhaps he can be of help with my coffee shop idea.
So tomorrow it the celebration. Lots of family and friends, people I haven’t seen in years. I suppose it will be nice to catch up. I’ll work on my social skills: “Yes, we’ll get together soon.” “Sure, I’ll come up and visit you.” “And you have pictures of ALL your children and grandchildren! How wonderful, give me a minute and I’ll be right over to look at your shoebox of photos.”
It does interfere with the losers World Cup Game. That starts at 2:30, celebration at 3:00.
There will be a bouncy house for the children. Think I could get drunk enough to give it a try? Likely it will be hot and sunny; what else will they have to eat besides barbeque food? Where are the Boca Burgers?